Best Man Speeches and Speech Templates for Australia and New Zealand

 

 

 

 

www.bestmanau.com

Samples from the 49 Page Best man Humour e-book, FREE with every Speech Pack

 

Bruce isn’t very good at cricket. I rang him up one day, when he was playing a match and this guy said,

“He’s just gone out to bat;”-----I said, “I’ll hold.”

 

People say that being a good pool player is the sign of a wasted childhood;---It’s quite obvious watching Lee play, that he didn’t waste his.

 

He actually comes from a very sporting family, although one of his relatives once broke a leg throwing a ball. He forgot it was chained to his ankle.--

 

His Doctor told him to give up Golf.---He isn’t ill,--- he saw his score-card.

 

One side of Brett’s Ute had a red wing and the other side a blue one; he loved to hear the witnesses contradict each other.

 

Tim said, “Your car is suffering from water in the carburettor Dad.” His Dad said, “Where is it?”----and Tim said, “In the river.”

 

She uses the smoke alarm as the timer.---I don’t know how she did it, but last time she cooked a meal, she burnt the can opener.

 

They call Pete the Pelican at the bank;---Everywhere he turns he has a big bill in front of him.

 

We call Russ the exorcist in our house.---Every time he comes around, he rids us of all our spirits.

 

At the bar Greg is always the first to put his hand in his pocket; but unfortunately the last to bring it out again.

 

He went to the tailor to see about his wedding suit and said, “I would like to see some suits that will fit me”.—The tailor said, “So would I sir; So would I.”

 

Apparently you can judge a man by his baldness. If he is bald in the front, he’s a great thinker. If he is bald at the back, he’s great lover.---If he is bald at the front and the back,--he just thinks he’s a great lover.

 

As many of you will know Angie is a Nurse and apparently she is so dedicated to her profession, she is taking her Nurses uniform with her on their honeymoon.

 

I met my wife at a disco, which was quite embarrassing. I thought she was at home with the kids.

 

When he was young he was kidnapped and when the ransom note came through it said, "Give us £20 thousand dollars, or you will get your kid back."

 

He was the only child, but he still wasn't his Mum's favourite.

 

He has a reputation for being a six times a night man; He's always had a weak bladder.

 

He won her over with the chat-up line, "I might not be Fred Flintstone, but I could sure make your Bedrock."

 

At school he was a bit of a joker and loved to tell jokes as he still does.--Unfortunately he is still telling the same ones.

 

One thing about Russ that isn't very exciting is his dress sense. He can only be described as,---Perth’s answer to Roy Cropper.